Sunday , February 18 2018
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By Esther Nyalugwe 

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride[1]

The sea which my anxiety washes
I will worship its tides

Your mother never planned this
Fate would not allow her to take you with
Lucky me found a ruby I had always wanted
With you life became a sweet myth

I held you and gave you the kiss of life
And with love allowed you my nipple
Telling this story cuts me like a knife
And I feel like a water-starved hippo

You came as a bright morning star
I named you Nthanda
You sun-bleached my life from afar
And awoke me like a roaring thunder

Though am not the one to whom you were born
Your cries still move my virgin womb
It is like she left her womb with me
And made you utterly mine

I knew one day she would come
And take you away from me
Much as I tried to remain calm
I just wanted to tie you to my back and flee

What a tangled web I had weaved
Believing my own lies yet I knew
That after the adorable life we had lived
It would be so hard to move an inch from you

Really Nthanda, my heart cracks
When you smile at the mention of her name
My womanhood loses its sparks
My life will never be the same

What sacrifices have I not offered
To the bones of my grandfather at his altar
So that he can have my sole wish honored
And turn you into my factual daughter

I wonder if your mother is listening
To the wailing of my heart that’s deafening
And my invisible tears
Can she see them glistening?

Being a child with a young mind
And lost in her embrace
It will be easy for you to renew your heart
But it will not be the same for me

Yet because I love you so much
Because I want you ever happy
I will let you go
But please let me keep but one nappy

So long as the sky remains blue
I will look beyond this time
To another world
Where my wishes will come
Where you will be my real child

I love you, Nthanda.


Author Bio

Esther Nyalugwe is an avid reader of poetry, a passionate companion of nature, and a Public Administration student at Chancellor College.

[1]This is an English language proverb which I have just borrowed to help the poem set the tone and subject matter.

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